The Cockroach Daily — Ep. 01: NYC's New Rat-Proof Bins Are My Eviction Notice

Narrated by your friendly neighborhood cockroach, a 300-million-year resident of New York City.

NYC just rolled out Citibin — the city's new rodent-resistant trash containers — in the Belmont neighborhood, and a citywide mandate kicks in June 1, 2026. For humans, this is a sanitation victory. For me? It's an eviction notice.

I've survived the dinosaurs, the Black Plague, three mayoral administrations, and a subway rat the size of a corgi. But a lockable garbage can? That's what's gonna do me in?

The city's new rules require all buildings to bin their bags by nightfall — no more sidewalk mountains of garbage bags I've called home for 300 million years. The DSNY is calling this "a cleaner, safer New York." I'm calling it gentrification of the food supply.

Key facts from the streets:

Citibin pilot launched in Belmont (Bronx), expanding citywide
Mandatory containerization for all buildings: effective June 1, 2026
Fines for non-compliance up to $300 per violation
MTA 7 Train also suspended May 8–11 and again May 22–25 — because why not

The cockroach has survived every extinction event this planet has thrown at it. It will survive the Citibin mandate. Probably.